Tuesday, November 29, 2011

dear bathroom boy...

Dear Bathroom Boy;

Kudos for bringing home yet another random drunk chick, but can you please ask her to close the bathroom door while she's puking her guts out, she's keeping me awake.


P.S. You probably shouldn't have had sex with her if she's THAT drunk.


Let's be honest, she's probably puking because she realized that she had SEX with BATHROOM BOY.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

how not to get a girl...

... on a dating site.

No, really guys, I joined a dating site.

Not plentyoffish, I tried that shit out in Korea, and it ended badly... "you have nice eyes, wanna fuck?" is not a great pick up line.

Not to say that the dating site I joined doesn't have its creepers, 'cause it does, but, the guys, overall, seem to be a lot better... so far.

I've gone on a few successfulish dates, kinda.  No one's run away from me after walking in the door, yet, so that's a bonus.  Nothing has really come out of said dates, though, so, that's pretty lame.



Anyway, I have another date this Saturday, we're going to a concert, so, we shall see how that goes.

Moving on!

Obviously, being a dating site and all, this site is not without its share of weird people.  And, as we all know, unfortunately, weird people flock to me.  So, I shall use these weird people as an example of how NOT to get a girl:

How not to get a girl:

Make your screen name BRUTALIZER.  I have removed the numbers from this guy's name to "protect" his identity, but, seriously...  how does any girl send you a message with that name?  No one wants that.

How not to get a girl:

Send "ching ching" as your first message, and then, when I don't respond, send "wazup pale girl" as your second message

How not to get a girl:

Be a creepy stalker.  Example:

Boy: Hi there! I know I don't have any good pics up yet, I'm gonna try and get some up tomorrow and my profile says im in montreal but im moving to edmonton soon, i just gotta work up the energy to actually change it :p, but I came across your profile and you seem like a pretty awesome girl, not to mention darn cute :p. So I'd love the chance to talk and get to know to know you better, hope to hear back :)

Me: It's a lot of work changing things on the interwebs. It's awesome that you are in Montreal!

Boy: it's so cold here! any chance of you coming to keep me warm

Me: It snowed here last night, unless you guys have snow out there, I win the "cold" war

Boy: ... I did say I'm in Edmonton right? Cause if not I'm in Edmonton

Me: You said you were moving to Edmonton soon

Boy: Haha my bad. So now that I'm in Edmonton wanna come cuddle?

Me: It's pretty cold out there, and I'm already warm in my apartment...

Boy: Where you live? Text me 780 *** ****

To myself: I have sent this dude all of four messages, and now he's asking where I live? *ignore*  Also, he doesn't seem to remember where he lives...

Few hours go by

Boy: Guess not

Next day

Boy: So ignoring me now?

Few hours go by with about seven more messages about how I'm ignoring him

Boy: no? not going to dignify me with a response?

Me: Dude, chill... I'm at work, and I've been working on a lot of assignments for school in the past few days, not to mention the fact that I've been sick...

How not to get a girl:

Don't send me a bunch of messages every single day for a week if I didn't respond to your first message.  I'm not going to respond to you if I'm not interested in you.  Honestly, I have zero obligation whatsoever to respond to your messages, I don't send anyone else 18309573945820 messages if they didn't respond to my first message, I move on... you should, too!

How not to get a girl:

Have a really boring profile.  If your profile talks about how boring you are ,and how boring your life is, and how boring people find you... maybe you should be making personal improvements before trying to find someone else to drag into your circle of boredom.  Seriously.  Why would I write back to someone whose profile convinces me that this person is ridiculously boring?

How not to get a girl:

Be an asshole.

This comes out of a couple of dates that I went on with one guy, actually.  He seemed really cool, we connected, we had a lot of fun together, things seemed good.  Until, of course, I found out that he was an asshole.  In all fairness, I guess, he did TELL me he was an asshole every time I told him he was sweet.  I guess that should have been a red flag?  Either way.  Just don't be a dick.  Don't tell me you want one thing, just because you figure it's what I want to hear.  Be honest.  Don't be a liar and an asshole.  For serious.

Moving on!

Hopefully my date this Saturday goes well, I'm kind of excited for it.  The guy seems really nice, so, hopefully there's a connection!

Anywhoodles, off to do some homework!

Toodles, lovelies <3

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

adventures in boredom...

So, lately I have felt like things were getting a bit boring, and I didn't have much to write about.  I've been working and going to school, and that's about it.  I was bored with it, and I didn't want to bore you all with it...

...then I changed my mind and decided I would bore you all, anyway!

So, this weekend I decided to partake in Halloween festivities.  I possibly partook a wee bit too much.  It was a fun night, though!  Here's a little snapshot of my costume:

I met up with some friends, and we went out to a little shindig at a bar, and then I paid for how much fun I had all day the next day!

So, in my little apartment, I have to share a bathroom with the person who lives on the other side of the laundry room from me, and, thusly, I have dubbed him "bathroom boy."

For the most part, I never really SEE bathroom boy, that is, until we got home from our respective Halloween festivities this Saturday.  Unfortunately, I got a lesson in just how truly stupid bathroom boy is...

I guess bathroom boy decided that having a girl living in the same place as him should have its advantages for him.  He guessed wrong.  He knocked on my door about ten minutes after I got back, and decided to strike up a conversation... I'm using the term conversation lightly.  Bathroom boy is possibly one of the dumbest people I have EVER met.  He's one of those really really annoying people who thinks he is super smart, but, really, lacks any form of intelligence.  Here are a few gems from the "conversation" we had:

Bathroom boy: So, are you a Satanist?
Me: What?...
Bathroom boy: What's with all the owls?
Me: I just like owls...
Bathroom boy: Owls are symbols of Satan, you probably should have looked into that.
Me: Right, because my owl tattoos look so Satanic. I like owls, and I'm an atheist, I could care less.

Or, this little gem:

Bathroom boy: Why do you have all that shit all over your face?
Me: I went to a Halloween party tonight...
Bathroom boy: Yeah, but why do you have all that crap on your face?
Me: It was part of my Halloween costume...
Bathroom boy: Yeah, but what's with all the makeup?
Me: Do I need to explain to you what Halloween is?
Bathroom boy: No, it's why I'm wearing this bandanna on my head, I'm one of those Mexican death catchers.
Me: I'm La Catrina, you know, from the Day of the Dead imagery.
Bathroom boy: So you think you're a death catcher, too?
Me: No.
Bathroom boy: So what's with all that shit on your face?
Me: *blank stare*

And then!  The icing on the cake!  After illustrating just how stupid he was, he took it a step further, and tried to get in my pants!

Tried being the operative word.  I don't think so, bathroom boy.

Anywhoodles, I should head off to write my essay that I have to take a late on.  I've never had to take a late on any assignment, ever, but, I just did not have time to finish the novel I had to review, so, here I am.

Better late than, never, right?

Toodles, lovelies <3