I am being inundated with spam.
Well, not -me- specifically, but, my e-mail address. Luckily, all of them head to my junk mail box by themselves. Save for one or two.
Not even good spam, asking me to increase the size of my junk. No, boring things.
Boring things, people asking me for my bank account info.
Like, this lovely e-mail from the poor poor Mrs. Lili Hoa:
"Mrs Lili Hoa
I have been surffering from ovarian cancer disease and the doctor says that i have just few days to leave.I am from (Lhasa) China but based in Africa Burkina Faso since eight years ago as a business woman dealing with gold exportation,now that i am about to end the race like this,without any family members and no child.I have $3 Million US DOLLARS in Africa Development Bank(ADB)Burkina Faso which i instructed the bank to give St Andrews Missionary Home in Burkina Faso.But my mind is not at rest because i am writting this letter now through the help of my computer beside my sick bed.
I also have $4.5 Million US Dollars at Ecobank here in Burkina Faso and i instructed the bank to transfer the money to the foreigner that will apply to the bank after i have gone that they should release the fund to him/her,but you will assure me that you will take 50% of the money and give 50% to the orphanages home in your country for my heart to rest.
Upon the receipt of your email with your account information, i will be intructing bank to make the immedate transfer into your account.
Yours fairly friend,
Mrs Lili Hoa"
Wow, I'm so glad you chose me! You chose me, and you don't even know my name! I am sooo lucky. Best day ever!
And, I have a junk mail box full of 60 letters just like this, all offering me exorbitant amounts of money, I just have to give them my bank info! Dudes, I am going to be soooo rich! Don't worry, I'll share it with you all!
She probably should have used some of that money to learn how to capitalize "I" in her sentences. Doesn't she know that she's important, too, and that when she's writing about herself, she should show how important she is by capitalizing her "I"s?
Actually, by the looks of that letter, she probably should have just hired someone to proofread it for her.
Anywhoodles, I'm off to go watch Gossip Girl (don't judge!), and then pack (barf).
Toodles, darlings <3